Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

Sorry its been almost a month since the last I updated. Hello, April! Its the 20th already! I swear I always feel like my mindset is, "Time runs by too fast, I need more time!" but guess what?! We all are given the same amount time! If some amazing, inspiring people have enough time to do all that they want to, I have enough time to do all I need and want to do as well.

Well guess what, I have news! My sophomore year in college is almost over! Can you believe it?! Because I can't. I can't believe I'm telling people, I only have two years left because it still feels like I'm a freshman going, oh yea. I'm here for all four years. Especially since I'm like one in a handful of the international students that are actually here for four years. So I'm always like, "Oh yea, I'm a four year student." and then it dawns on me, well I actually only have two years left now.

Truth is, as I reach this midpoint, I don't want it to end. I love college life. I want this semester to never end. It's been the best semester yet. I love the freedom I have as a student. I love having a full semester when I'm finally a legal adult. I love how spontaneous I can be. I love making my own plans. I love going to lunch with my girls, getting a call from another good friend, and spontaneously going to a softball game with her and two little children. I love meeting new people, meeting up with different people every week, strengthening different relationships. I love playing soccer. I love my church family and all the families that have adopted me. I love football after church. I love skating outings, hikes, trips downtown. I love my work, spending afternoon hours in the sun with cute children and some great college girl company. Gosh, I just love college.

No, I don't want this semester to end. I don't want to reach that milestone called "halfway through". I don't want to go back to Malaysia for the whole summer. I like it where I'm at right now.

But then, enters, God. And once upon a time, I told Him to drive. I told him that my plans aren't concrete because a man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his path. I told him, I would follow Him. I told him, I would go wherever He wanted me to go.

Malaysia.

So I've been struggling with this the past month or so since booking my tickets and making the final preparations to do so. Well, the other day, God reminded me of a story in the Bible. The story of Moses.

So he grows up in Egypt. In the King's palace. Royalty. Paradise, possibly. And then, he ends up murdering someone and running away. He ends up in this wilderness but he loves it! He's just chilling, watching sheep, and falls in love, gets married, starts a family. One day, typical day, he suddenly sees a burning bush and God tells him, "Go back to Egypt!" Yea, that land he ran away from. The last place he wants to go back to after what happened back there. And he's like, are you crazy God?! He makes excuses, "God, I can't speak." God's like, so what. Aaron will come with you. And so Moses has no choice but to obey God and return to Egypt.

Maybe, in many different ways, I'm sort of in the same boat as Moses. I'm like, really God?! Malaysia. Again? I don't want to go back. And he's like, you're living in your comfort zone. You're happy where you're at, but I want to bring to higher ground. You may want to stay right where you're at right now, but I promise you this higher ground will be better. It may not seem like that, and I know its going to be hard for you, but guess what, that's what I have installed for you in this period of your life. Trust me, and go.

Go back to Malaysia.

... and so that's what I find myself doing.

Like Bliss, Like Sun.

There is nothing like dressing up, putting on your boots, and spending time outside in the sun with such a talented photographer snapping pictures of you. I mean, you're out in the wide, wide open with the wind blowing only slightly, the sun shining down on you, it's your March spring break and it was snowing only just yesterday, but today's a new day and that's good enough for me.

See, pure joy!

Speaking of joy, I'm still on that whole living-by-the-moment journey and I think I'm becoming much better at it. I mean, you stop making so many plans, you stop trying to live to a calendar, you wake up, you breathe, you go with the flow. You smile at the little things in life. You take a leap at the unknown.  You learn to balance responsibility with fun. You screw up, you try again, you succeed. That's life for you, right there.

So that's what I've been doing this spring break. Going with the flow. Enjoying my break to the fullest, getting homework done, doing stuff at the spur of the moment. Like, say Sunday. Going hiking with a a great group of girls and my 12-year-old Grant. Getting muddy, witnessing a classical-Adrianne-fall in the creek, having deep conversations with the girls. Or on Tuesday, making a last minute appointment with Serendipity Hair Saloon, going all out on the drastic new hairstyle route, meeting up with the Riggins girls for coffee, trying a haystack frappuccino (best thing ever!), matchmaking like Jane Austin's Emma, and then driving to the lake for a photo shoot. And then ending the day off with watching The Lord of the Rings with our neighbors. I don't think last-minute plans could get any better than that. :)

Yea, I'm happy. I'm happy right where I am in this stage of life. I'm so grateful for the great bunch of edifying friends I have, for the great time of fellowship I get every week (in college or during break). I'm excited about what God's going to show me as he slowly takes me further along my life's journey. I can almost visibly feel him molding me into a Proverbs 31 sort of woman and I'm so excited to see the end result (although that will be never but it's exciting watching the process!). Of course there's bumps, there's times when I fall down and get huge black and blues, literally!, but it'll all be worth it in the end.

Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:25-26, 30-31

You Never Stop Learning

So my current song addiction is Jamie Grace and Britt Nicole. Love their uplifting, rhythmic praise. Just last Sunday, Mr. Petrey mentioned Hebrews chapter 12 and I really needed that little reminder. "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." (verses 28-29) I blogged about this verse awhile back in 2010, read it here. I know I, personally, sometimes forget that He is actually God and I need to worship Him with ultimate respect and reverence.

God's been teaching me so much the past few weeks, its almost to the point when I'm like, "Okay, pause, God, I need to get that first lesson down before we move on." I was just thinking as I was showering the other day, man I'm never going to be ready for marriage. I know, strange thought, but literally that was what I was thinking. Because I felt like I would never learn everything in time and never be wise enough to be responsible of another person. And then I went to the ladies' meeting with my church ladies and they were all telling me about the lessons they've learned... while being married, and it was like a lightbulb went off. You can still learn after you get married. You don't have to learn everything and have it all together. See, you never really do stop learning.

If I went on to tell you the many lessons I've learned in the past month, this post would go on forever. Recently, I've started having little journal sessions, out in the hallway of my dorm building, perched up on the window sill, reading Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George, and then writing down all the things God's been teaching me. Because there has just been many things He's been telling me, and I guess the thing is, I've been more receptive of it. There was a time when I told Him that I had it all under control and I didn't need to learn anymore. I thought I knew all the head knowledge of the Bible and that was all I needed to know. And only during a trial, would I turn to Him in desperation.

How false that was. It was simply a lie of the devil to tell me I didn't need God. All my life I've grown up in church and heard a million messages preached about how the devil whispers lies in your head. I believed that he did to other people, but I didn't believe he whispered lies to me personally. Perhaps its because all the teachers had given as examples were, "You're fat." (I never heard that one!) "You're useless." "You're not good enough." But really, the devil is a lot more cunning than that.

I only just realized end of last year the many lies of the devil I was believing, thanks to a godly council I spent some time with over the Christmas break. I realized the devil was telling me that I had to be a better witness, I had to love more, I wasn't doing enough as a Christian. He was telling me that it was my responsibility to bring my friends to Christ. He was pulling me down by making me feel guilty for not talking about God 24/7. I began to doubt the promises that God makes to me in the Bible. And although those are all good things that I could be doing, they are completely out of context to what the Bible talks about. I am simply a vessel. My responsibility is simply to love, to plant the seed, to water the plant, but to let God make it grow.

Just last Sunday, I was awakened in my sleep at 2:45am (which rarely happens, I never wake up during my sleep) and all these thoughts were swarming around in my mind. Different scenarios of things that happened that day and a few weeks ago were flashing through my mind. I was hearing, "You're not good at making friends. You need to work on forming better relationships. You're socially inept." This went on for about thirty minutes. So hear I am, thinking, "God what are you trying to tell me?!" And then, another lightbulb. Lies. God wouldn't tell me such things. I was made in His image. He has a plan and purpose for my life. I can do all things through Him. Promises. Facts. Assurances. I rebuked those lies of Satan, and fell back to sleep almost instantly.

We've been talking about Ephesians 4 in church and the last two Sundays on verses twenty to twenty-four in particular. It talks about the renewing of your mind. As I mentioned above, as well, I've been reading Loving God with All Your Mind, and its just been emphasized again and again to me, through different mediums - people, messages, books - that thoughts and my mind play a huge part on what I believe and what I become. It's still an ongoing process as I strive to take control of my mind but I'm so grateful that God is bringing me through this learning process.

As we start a new week, I challenge you to be mindful of what you think about.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8, ESV