it always works out fine.

So here's one of those inspirational post for once. :)

Who knows why, but I'm always in this stage of regrets. Regrets that this and that happens. Feelings that, well if so and so thing or so and so person did not come into my life, everything would be perfect. If nothing changed, I would just be loving life. So, with this thesis in mind, let's check out the circumsatances I've had in life.

Imagine if I could pause all the changes in my life when I was living in Maine. Sure, if that happen, I wouldn't have to experience the sharp sword that went piercing through my heart, and I've never felt the same again. But, I got to see my relatives after a long time, yea?

Imagine if I could pause my life when I was back here and was homeschooling at home. That way, I wouldn't have to attend GRC, and I could just continue my social life with just my sis. Me and my sis. My sis and I, and no one else. No GRC, no fitting in having to be done. BUT, it worked out after all. I meet, all of you guys.

Imagine if I could pause last year before this year came. You know, that period of time at the beginning of this year when there was cliques, when the peaceful and happy world of GRC was bombarded with new people. Man, I hated it. I didn't want anything to change. I wanted last year, I wanted it to be the same - never changing. But, imagine. No Matthew, Calvin, Brandon, Gong. GRC wouldn't be complete.

I never really understand my own self. I've gone through so many changes in my entire life, much more than a typical person would go through. But no matter what the number of changes I've been through, I'm always wishing that time could pause and we could go on living without all the changes. But, when I look back, they all benefited me, and it's all made me a better person. It's always worked out fine.

Sure, there's the pain that remains inside of me, the pain of all the changes I've been through. So many times, I ask God to remove it, but he doesn't. I finally understood why. If he were to remove that sharp sword of pain that's pierced into my heart, I would forget that MY GOD has been faithful. Are you getting me? If he were to take away that pain, I would forget that he always takes me through my difficult times. I would forget, and next time.. I wouldn't be so sure of his faithfulness.

Let me end off this. Yesterday, we were going to church, and I was thinking about my future. I was wondering what was ahead of me. What the end of this year would bring, what next year would bring, what the days, weeks, months, and years ahead of me would bring. Changes always happen, and I hate to except them. Then suddenly, such confidence flooded me, and I thought..

"You know what, no matter what's ahead, what's installed for my life.. I know my God's in charge... and it has always worked out fine."

Yes, it's always worked out fine.

So Zoe, I know you are thinking that you will hate Australia, and you don't want to go. I really understand you, because I've been through that too. But one day, I guarantee, you will love it. It'll always work out fine.

After all, wasn't I the girl who thought I would hate Malaysia, I would never EVER fit in, I would dread it, and I would live all the rest of my days in this dreaded place being miserable?

Well, check out the living contradiction. :D

good to be back

You guys better say your missed me. Cause I am back!! And I've never felt so happy to be in Malaysia again. Praise God for that.

Now I have fast Internet finally! So here comes the pictures...

What is he doing? I'll tell you.
We were playing with him and then the electricity went off.
We were like, "Silas, we're sweating."
He got up on his bed and started flinging his pillow around.
We asked, "What are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm fanning you so you don't get sweaty."

The room my sis and I shared.

Coke? a different color?
Nope.
It's gasoline. No kidding.

I finally taught him how to pose.

tutuk driver?

Mashed potatoes. Yum.

Lake Yaklom. Beautiful isn't it?
Swimming in it was so fun!

We weren't posing. We were talking to the camera man. ahaha.

Waterfalls.

Family pic.

Lastly. Christmas day. A break from a 10 hour bus ride. =|

Done!! And that didn't take 5 hours. woop.
To see more visit this.
And.. to find out what I did for Christmas you can visit this blog.
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Finally, but not least importantly. Today's someone's special day.
So..

Happy Birthday Shabeta!!!

Thanks so much for being such a great friend. For helping me in my work. For comforting me. For being there to talk to. For everything. I love you bunches and bunches. And see ya soon.
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I'm so glad to be back!

My Life...my Changing Life

A changing LIFE, it just changed. Please take the time to read it again.

Life is hard for me...it's not easy being a MK, TCK, or PK, is it? If you know what I'm talking about, then you know a little bit about how my life is. It's hard. I often think, how come I'm here...how come I'm living in this crazy world? Negative thoughts run through my head...I just sometimes hate my life! But God has put me in this world for a reason and a purpose...and He also has put you in this world for a destiny too. I would just like to share a little bit a my life with you...

As you all know by my accent and my way of life...I'm obliviously from America. I loved my life there...my friends, my school, my church. It was wonderful...the fun I had in school, at my friend's house, and playing in the snow. I thought life was wonderful...brilliant. Maybe, I was wrong...

Then one day, my whole life crashed. I cried, I broke down...I was sad. Miserable. Horror filled my mind...in two weeks, or even two days...I might never see my best friend forever! It was horrible...maybe the worst day of my entire life. My family was ordered out of the United States...out of my beautiful world in Maine...

The next two weeks were a blur in my mind. I remember going to school on the next day and crying in front of the class. When I came home all that I did was pack and unpack. My friends cried, even though they tried not to show those tears.

The hardest part, especially for my sister, was her sad small party. We didn't do anything. Not even give her a present...Mom said we'll give her one in Malaysia because in two days we would be leaving and she didn't want to pack again. I heard my sister crying that night...it was sad.

Saying good bye to my best friend, Rebecca, was hard also. We tried not to cry as we looked at each other for the last time. Rebecca, I miss you.

But adjusting to Malaysia was the hardest. I got culture shock in my own hometown. It was hard to adjust. Hard to make friends...but soon people became friendly, and said Hi at random times, like Roberts and Sarah Ti, who helped me in my work, and just talked to me, and I adjusted, but I didn't forget those times when I cried....

And then the anger I had. So angry that I didn't get to stay on. That I couldn't go to fun town and ride the dragons descend. I would be tall enough now. It was so sad! Just before I left I went and I was two inches short! That was when I was 10. And that I didn't get to go Bangor and win a art medal for my school. The whole school was looking forward for me going to 5th grade cause that meant I could go and win a medal. I had always won art for the academic fair. It wasn't fair! That I didn't get to stay on in The Master's House and go into 5th grade. 5th grade was like the major change in the school. It wasn't fair! I would have been one of the older ones. More people would trust me...I would get to know the older ones better.

Then when I came back, I experienced unfairness by my sister. We had been so close for the one we "really" home schooled...and then, new school...new friends...new experience...no more sister. A sadness overwhelmed me. I was SAD. Finally I posted a post and people comforted me...my sister said sorry.

What really hindered me from getting happy was anger. It was all resolved yesterday, yesterday totally rocks! I had a totally cool day! And chapel went really well. I got rid of the anger and fear I had. And I realized that people DO care for me. And that it wasn't God's fault that I had to leave Malaysia, it was God's PLAN!

After adjusting to school, I felt so close to home that I even shared my secrets with a lot of people. My closest friends, at Broga, all piled up on someone's bed late one night and shared our secrets. We talked and talked till 12 am the next morning. Next day, we talked some more. Not my fault, Beeps wanted too! And more and more. And then 'it' happened... and it almost destroyed my whole personal relationship. Yep, I was upset. But then, it was God's purpose and it is resolved...

And I'm happy...even if sometimes I feel down, I'm happy. I have decided that even if I've adjusted to Malaysia, I will always miss my beautiful home in Maine, my friends, my church, and my schools, but I will be where God wants me to be. And that's Malaysia for this season. It was God's purpose!

I love you, those who are in Maine, and I love you, those who are in Malaysia. Even if life is hard, and I've moved across half the world and back, no matter what, I want to be where God wants me to be. Even if being a MK, TCK, and PK is hard, I will endure it forever. Even if things happen and change. If sometimes I loose a close friend, or get into a fight, I'm still happy. And I want you all to think about this. Really hard...

And last but not least, I want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend all the time. For comforting me when I was down, and telling me not to be emo. For just being yourself, and you sure are amusing! And just having you with me surely has been a pleasure! And no matter what, I always want to be your friend. I love you, Sarah! *sigh* I truly do.

oh yea. And I'm sorry -whoever was there at first (in Sarah's place)- but I guess things will never be the same again. I still love you though and still want to be your friend...