God's been teaching me so much the past few weeks, its almost to the point when I'm like, "Okay, pause, God, I need to get that first lesson down before we move on." I was just thinking as I was showering the other day, man I'm never going to be ready for marriage. I know, strange thought, but literally that was what I was thinking. Because I felt like I would never learn everything in time and never be wise enough to be responsible of another person. And then I went to the ladies' meeting with my church ladies and they were all telling me about the lessons they've learned... while being married, and it was like a lightbulb went off. You can still learn after you get married. You don't have to learn everything and have it all together. See, you never really do stop learning.
If I went on to tell you the many lessons I've learned in the past month, this post would go on forever. Recently, I've started having little journal sessions, out in the hallway of my dorm building, perched up on the window sill, reading Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George, and then writing down all the things God's been teaching me. Because there has just been many things He's been telling me, and I guess the thing is, I've been more receptive of it. There was a time when I told Him that I had it all under control and I didn't need to learn anymore. I thought I knew all the head knowledge of the Bible and that was all I needed to know. And only during a trial, would I turn to Him in desperation.
How false that was. It was simply a lie of the devil to tell me I didn't need God. All my life I've grown up in church and heard a million messages preached about how the devil whispers lies in your head. I believed that he did to other people, but I didn't believe he whispered lies to me personally. Perhaps its because all the teachers had given as examples were, "You're fat." (I never heard that one!) "You're useless." "You're not good enough." But really, the devil is a lot more cunning than that.
I only just realized end of last year the many lies of the devil I was believing, thanks to a godly council I spent some time with over the Christmas break. I realized the devil was telling me that I had to be a better witness, I had to love more, I wasn't doing enough as a Christian. He was telling me that it was my responsibility to bring my friends to Christ. He was pulling me down by making me feel guilty for not talking about God 24/7. I began to doubt the promises that God makes to me in the Bible. And although those are all good things that I could be doing, they are completely out of context to what the Bible talks about. I am simply a vessel. My responsibility is simply to love, to plant the seed, to water the plant, but to let God make it grow.
Just last Sunday, I was awakened in my sleep at 2:45am (which rarely happens, I never wake up during my sleep) and all these thoughts were swarming around in my mind. Different scenarios of things that happened that day and a few weeks ago were flashing through my mind. I was hearing, "You're not good at making friends. You need to work on forming better relationships. You're socially inept." This went on for about thirty minutes. So hear I am, thinking, "God what are you trying to tell me?!" And then, another lightbulb. Lies. God wouldn't tell me such things. I was made in His image. He has a plan and purpose for my life. I can do all things through Him. Promises. Facts. Assurances. I rebuked those lies of Satan, and fell back to sleep almost instantly.
We've been talking about Ephesians 4 in church and the last two Sundays on verses twenty to twenty-four in particular. It talks about the renewing of your mind. As I mentioned above, as well, I've been reading Loving God with All Your Mind, and its just been emphasized again and again to me, through different mediums - people, messages, books - that thoughts and my mind play a huge part on what I believe and what I become. It's still an ongoing process as I strive to take control of my mind but I'm so grateful that God is bringing me through this learning process.
As we start a new week, I challenge you to be mindful of what you think about.
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