Word cannot describe how glad I am that it's finally Friday. My brain is burned to the core at this point. Today marked my 10th practice test, and although I don't exactly see a drastic amount of improvement, I'm working on it. Scraping the skyscrapers of 2000 but I'll reach it - see if I don't. ;) 22 more days, and College Board is my constant reminder.
(Fair warning: this post is gonna be jumbled, extremely arbitrary, and not at the least cogent. Keep in mind the condition of my brain.)
#o1. Yesterday I stumbled upon a piece of irony which made me think and as a result, make a promise. How often do we say something that perhaps is cliche or polite, but not really meaning what we say. For example, we go, "I'll pray for you." but when prayer time comes you completely forget about praying for that person. No bad intension involved, just mere forgetfulness. We end our wishes with a "God bless you" but do we really sincerely want God to bless that person? One may even misuse the words "I love you". Who knows. "I love you" are easy words to say when you're expected to love that person, or its a close girlfriend of yours (for the girls out there).
I made a promise to myself at that very moment to always mean what I say. And especially remember to pray for people I have said, "I'll pray for you." Because that can be the hardest promise to keep - think about it. They'll never know if you kept that promise or not. Its simply up to your own conscience.
#o2. Talked to the big brother yesterday. Haven't done that in a while. :) Made me miss him even more than ever. Because I will never stop missing him, but sometimes its more than usual. Before I went to sleep, I remembered that little insignificant saying he'll tell me. Its not profound in any sense, but I always remember it. He'll say, after one of my constant emotional breakdowns at the age of 13, "You'll understand when you're 15." And I'll think, what is there to understand when I'm 15 that I can't understand now?
Well after a few years of anxious waiting (and perhaps forgetting his infamous saying), I think I've finally hit the well. I do remember that when I turned 15 last November, I thought, "Well here's to number 15 and whatever I'll understand this year." And as my 15th year of this life draws to an end, I think I finally understand what he meant. So here's to the profound moment of revelation.
When I was 13, my sister was the constant problem in my life. I'll always be upset about the way she was so mean to me (biggest bully ever, I know), how I felt so much expectations upon myself because I was the sister of the great, genius Lydia Chang. Much more than that, but that pretty much sums it up. That's when Jon told me, I'll understand at 15.
It's rather vague what he meant, but I now understand what he understood. I don't think any words could describe it. But if you're the youngest in the family, I'll tell you this - you too will understand at 15. At 15, stuff like that no longer bothers you. Maybe its the carefree attitude that comes with puberty, who knows. But you also discover a new type of self confidence that leaves with the assurance that you are different and unique. Not even your blood related sister could share that uniqueness with you.
I guess its only coincidence that my sister left for college when I'm 15. Because that plays a huge role in understanding what Jon meant. I think the best way of describing it is this : Learning to let go. Letting go of the little grudges you hold against others, letting go of the friends whom you cared about (and who possibly didn't return the same feelings), letting go of the people who slip out of your life as quickly as they slipped in, letting go of the hurts, simply letting go. Because life's a journey, changes happen, and clinging on to the past isn't gonna help anything. And when we learn to let go, we realize how much we have
now, instead of counting our losts.
The best part of letting go - the future ahead looks so aesthetic. Bright, colorful, and promising. And you don't have to look back.
So to bring that profound moment to an end, the song "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift comes to mind. Just because of the name, the lyrics are rather irrelevant in this situation. But anyway, it made me feel good that I finally understand what Jon meant. And like I said, don't try asking me what he meant. Because well, it's not exactly capable of being described with words but I did try. Maybe it's only something
blood related, yea catch the pun, siblings can understand.
#03. Doesn't it bring shivers down your spine when you think of the amazing job the Chileans and Americans did in rescuing those 33 miners? It gives me shivers. It makes me proud of the effort people put in for other people. Lives are precious, indeed.
#o4. I'm getting pumped for the coming Friday. Staying at home is mentally exhausting because I work more than 6 hours a day. Worse than school, truly. So I can't wait for the break. :)
Oh, and on another note, who's willing to skip school to go out with me on the 5th of November? Hah, I kid. Be good children and go to school. But seriously, day before SAT has been proclaimed as a holiday by me
for me. So I'm all up to an outing or something of that sort. As long as I don't study at all. I know, unheard of. :P
And andd, suggestions for my 16th celebration? Ideas are welcome. (My mommy was like, do you want a 6-foot ice cream too? =.=) And don't say, "YES! Let's do a 6-foot ice cream!" because that would be just mean. I am
not crazy over ice cream.
#o5. My blog stats have been diminishing. I've been getting only like 10 visitors a day compared to around 30 per day. So c'mon peoples, clicky click, I know you love me. :) Toodles for now.
P/s. Its crazy ironic how coherent my title is with my blog post. Number 1, I'm really glad its Friday. And Number 2, I talked about being Fifteen and well, it's the 15th of October too. &lastly, number 3, Day 6 is for the letter F. So there you go. :) I'm ingenious, you don't have to tell me, I know. :P
