..and well, I don't act like myself anymore.
Sure, I'm still Hazel. My name hasn't changed. Neither have my looks are whatsoever. I didn't cut my hair, I didn't change anything about me.
It's just... unlike me these days. =\
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It's like I'm so busy these days doing nothing.
Serious speakin'. I feel like a totally different girl from the one I was two days ago. Yes, the girl who laughed and played with Silas and Cassia, who enjoyed the intake of fresh cold mountain air. pfftt.
Friday. Man, to tell you the truth, it was terrible. I felt like it was a Monday. And then, I couldn't relate to anyone since I didn't know what happen the whole entire week. When I mentioned to Grace that there was "badminton after school," it was obvious I was out. teehee. =) I remember having a pounding headache at the end of the day, and well.. I've been sick the last two days. =( It's depressing, it really is.
Deep down inside, I keep wondering, what am I living for? Am I living because I want to please someone? Am I just living because I can't really kill myself. Sorry for the direct language. I mean, why am I studying? Why am I pushing towards to goal of graduating when, well.. I don't know what I plan to do after I graduate. It's always been my ambition to be a nurse, but as I grow older I doubt that is what I really want to do.
What I want to do. That's it.
Isn't it suppose to be what God wants me to do? Then, why am I seeking to know my ambition, seeking to know what I'm living for.
I should be seeking for God's will in my life.
What He wants me to do.
You know I was thinking about this and well.. it came to me that there are three people in me. It sounds confusing, but it's actually very simple. There is Hazel, myself, and 'my child, Hazel'. The first one is how others, the world, sees me as. The second is what I think of myself. And the third is no other than my Heavenly father looking down from above and seeing his child as being perfect.
You know something, it doesn't matter how imperfect the world sees you as. How disappointed you are with yourself. What you think of yourself. Cause I've got news for you.. God, our Heavenly Father, is looking down at you..
..and all he sees is that his creation down there is wonderfully and perfectly made. Big smilez for that!
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