letting the kite fly.

To my dear fellow GRCians and friends,

When I first joined GRC in 2007, I hated it. I really did. But somehow I managed to fit in and I felt really part of that big family. I loved my first two years there. I felt happy, carefree, and I had the older seniors who cared for me and did all the leading.

Last year, reality struck. Those beautiful, God-fearing, loving, leaders of ours had to leave and move on with life. As they slowly passed down more and more responsibilities to the younger ones, I began to take on more leadership myself.

I had this huge dream that slowly crept up from somewhere deep within me. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be a leader that everyone would love, respect, and look up too. I wanted to be everybody’s friend. I wanted to be a role model for all of you.

Months passed quickly as I slowly tried to balance out work and activities. It was hard. I knew I had to focus on my work but I never forgot that dream. I tried so hard to be that perfect girl.

One day, I found the key. Love. As simple as that. No one can help themselves when someone loves them. You just have to love back. You start respecting that person. You want to be with that person every minute, every moment. True, sincere love.

Of course, I didn’t achieve that straight away. I hated a lot of people at that time. I always felt like killing one person or another. I judged many of you.

But you know what I found out? God answers prayers. I asked him to put into me a love for you all that was so great. And He really did. He taught me how to love Him first, and then once I achieved that, I began to love you guys.

And then I asked for something, I asked God to put a burden in my heart for you.

He did.

I almost feel like regretting that request. But I’m glad too. Because I not only love you guys so much, I now also feel like I’m responsible for you all.

I’m sad for you when you speak badly about your fellow peer. That is, the one who did the speaking behind the back, not the one who is talked badly about. I feel like everyone deserves a second chance whenever they get classified as “weird”. I’m so burdened when I can’t see you guys growing in the Lord. It’s so sad when I can’t see any fire for the Lord inside of you guys. I shake my head at the continuous arguments and hatred between you and your friends. I feel like screaming out to you, “CHILDREN! LOVE ONE ANOTHER!”

And when I see all this, I realize that I didn’t do a good job at all. No. I’ve failed at being a leader. I’ve failed at trying to be an example. Because if I had achieved that dream of mine, you guys would be great people too.

Hey, I’m not gonna give up yet. I see so much potential inside many of you. I know you guys will be great leaders and great people of influence some day. I believe in you all.

I guess I’ve just been trying too hard.

Just yesterday, I realized it’s time to let go. It’s like I’m holding the kite, but I’m not releasing enough string. Sure, I’ll still be there to support you; I’ll still be that string on that kite, keeping you guys from straying too far. I’ll guide you, pray for you, but you got to do the flying.

I never thought my time to step down would come so soon, but it has… and I have to let go. Although I’m uncertain about the future, and sometimes I just wish I could stay in high school forever, I’m sure about one thing. My time is over with you guys. My only hope now is that, hopefully I’ve deposited something in your life that will count. Hopefully, I’ve left a good memory. A kind word, an encouraging one. Hopefully, I’ve made some difference in your life.

And if I haven’t, then I’ve truly failed. And I’m sorry.

I love you guys so much. Every single one of you. Not just the ones I’ve known for 4 years. Not just the ones I spend most of my time with. I love you even if I’ve just met you. All of you have taught me the greatest lesson. You might be unaware of it, but I thank you for being part of my life.

I’m gonna treasure every second of the last 8 months or so with you.
I’m gonna try one more time to achieve that dream.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll succeed. :)