Shakespeare, dear Shakespeare

I've come to the point in life where I must read one of Shakespeare's books. Evidently, educationalists think that everyone should read Shakespeare at least once in their life. In my case, it means Hamlet.

(Speaking of educationalists, I don't get their theory. I mean, how insightful can a tragedy that Shakespeare write be? I could write just as good of a story in a simple sentence. "Hamlet wants to revenge his father's death. In the end, they all die." Taa, done. Masterpiece.)

Anyway, most of the time I'm reading the book upside down. Or, the other half of the time, it feels like I'm reading a foreign language and I'm racking all the matter of my brain to understand what the fellow is saying. (He is acting insane in the book, so that's proves its not entirely my own stupidness.) Only one in a million years do I stumble upon something insightful:

"Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel,
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatched, unfledged courage. Beware
Of entrance to a quarral, but being in,
Bear 't that th' opposèd may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement."
-Polonius, Act 1 Scene 3

"Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love."
-Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2

The former is words of advice from a pretty foolish counselor, in my opinion. The latter is, well, Hamlet expressing his love to Ophelia, or his pretense expression of love, because remember, he's putting on a show of madness. Either case, I love the latter quote. It's really romantic/deep/profound. I like all three adjectives.

So I've narrowed it down to a conclusion of three points:
#o1. It is said that Shakespeare is a romantic person. Am I not right - who wrote Romeo and Juliet? So tell me, what is romantic about a guy acting lunatic, a girl who must deny her love for Hamlet, and the girl dies because indirectly, the guy kills her. And then, the guy dies too.
#o2. Does Shakespeare not know of forgiveness? Because, simply, if that element was present, we could cut the whole story short and have a happy ending.
#o3. 'Good' ghosts don't exist. Period. Exclamation mark.

And now, in accordance with the three points above, I will write my new, happy, and short version of Hamlet:
"King Hamlet is murdered by his brother, Claudius. Within 2 months after King Hamlet's death, Claudius becomes king and marries King Hamlet's wife, Gertrude. Hamlet, the son of the deceased King, finds out about the murder of his father (through logical means, mind you, not through a ghost.) and wants to revenge. Fortunately, forgiveness comes into the picture and Claudius resigns from the throne. Hamlet is appointed King over Denmark and marries Ophelia. The End."

Now, that's better.