Looking back on the year

say hello to the first anniversary

I am proud to say, I've just renewed my domain name, meaning this website has been here for exactly a year (as of December 25th, yes! www.hazelchazel.com is a Christmas baby!) Sorry if you guys were having a little trouble accessing this site, and ending up at an odd white, red, and green website that shows weird search related items such as Breaking Glass, Hazel Show, Hazel DVD, and Hazel Contact. I apologize, it kept on slipping off the tip of my brain to renew this domain. I trust that, if you're reading this, you've accessed the website. :)

Anyhow, Christmas this year was quiet, simple, and sweet. :) Which was good enough for me, for who needs loud, fancy Christmases when you've got joy, love, and presents! :P Plus, to top that all off, I had three scrumptious meals. Lots of smiles. :)

So this is just a quick note to all those who are going through major transitions in their lives. Jon Teh, I hope you're surviving. :P Michelle, all the best in Australia. Do your best in everything you do, and God will be there to help you. :) And Daniel, take care at NS. Although I've only known you for less than 3 weeks, I know you're strong and will be a witness to the people around you. Don't let others influence you, you do the influencing. We PKs are amazing people. ;) Will be praying for all of you.

Enjoy your last of week of holidays before school reopens. :)

Merry Christmas!

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. (Charles Dickens)

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas. Throughout this special day, my simple wish is that, while we celebrate the birth of Christ, we'll remember those out there who don't know the true meaning of Christmas and pray that somehow, someway, they may come to know the person who, 2010 years ago, came to earth to die for us.

♥ Hazel Chang

Profound

"Did you ever stop to think,

and forget to start again?"

A. A. Milne

Light of the World

Our hearts grow tender with

childhood memories and love of kindred,

and we are better throughout the year for having,

in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

Laura Ingalls Wilder

#o1. It's hard to believe that Christmas is only 5 days away! They say the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas goes by in the blink of an eye, and my! are they right. It hardly feels like 4 weeks have passed. Before we know it, Christmas will be over and the new year will be here.

#o2. My December has settled into some sort of makeshift routine. I either wake up with work to go to, some outing to attend, or a busy day at home. It's been so busy these holidays that not once did I find myself commenting that the holidays are so boring. (And that usually happens often!) There's still a million and one things I want to do, but I have like only 3 days available.

#o3. News of the week: Jonathan Teh is in America. Like, askdnakdas. One second we're chatting about next year plans, and the next week he's like, "Hi, I'm in the US." -.- Imagine my shock. I should do that too - fly off to the USA all of a sudden. :P Now I'm all alone in my odd exhibition of attending school after graduating already.

#o4. Oh well, I only have about 6 months to go. :)

#o5. Heading off to the shopping mall in a few, to do my Christmas shopping. :D After that, back home to decorate the cookies I baked this morning. I loveee Christmasss. ♥

#o6. Even in all the haste and hurry, cliche wishes, and background music - don't ever forget the true reason of the season. Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. (Eric Sevareid) Blessed holidays! :)

Moments

December has been a busy, yet enjoyable month.

Decorating for Christmas with lights, snowflakes, fireplaces, and SNOWSPRAY!

@Nando's + movie + sleepover ; ipod touch ftw. :)

 

For NARNIAA! :)

(I'd rate it 7/10, except why do they always change it from the original book?!)

I came across a startling conclusion this morning. I haven't talked to a single person from school since school ended. I mean, other than the ones at camp or the ones I've bumped into. My MSN is practically half dead, I'm serious. I don't have any chat history for the entire month of December. I feel very antisocial. :O

Last couple of days haven't been very pleasant. I fell sick on Friday, causing me to skip work. My temperature went up to a soaring number of 102. I've had fever on and off for the last 4 days, including today. I'm physically very weak. Whenever I try to do something, I become extremely weak after 5 minutes of concentration. I'm terribly behind my schedule, and that's not a good thing considering the hundred and one things I have to do. I have work tomorrow, and I'm hoping I can muster enough strength to survive for 7 hours. I need your prayers!

College application essay and personal statement are calling. Till later. :)

Of PKs, sand, and roomies :)

Just came back from an amazing 3 days at camp in Kuantan. It was probably the first camp I where I didn't know everyone - as in a school camp or church camp - and people are from everywhere around Malaysia. However, there was one particular thing we all had in common - we were all PKs. Somehow that simple common trait made me feel I could relate to them in a very real way.

I could give you this huge description of what we did throughout the entire time, but that would be pretty boring. Therefore, just as a summary, here's a few things that I count memorable during this time.

#o1. PKs should never be stereotyped. I went to this camp telling myself, "DON'T STEREOTYPE." And indeed, I'm really glad I didn't. Because we are all so different, even if we share a lot of things in common. We had the queer category which consists of David Low, and only him. We had the extremely extrovert ones (that kept everyone awake on the bus). And well, we concluded that we are all weird and unique in our own special way.

#02. PKs should never be held down by the expectations placed upon them. I think that's a big weakness in me that I broke away from during camp. So many time, we as PKs, are pressured by all these expectations upon us, we act and do all the right things. We get a spirit of control and become like a puppet pulled by strings, doing everything as a routine, an expected thing from us. However, we should break out of such a spirit and do things simply because we have such a strong relationship with God, we want to do it.

#o3. PKs are special. God has a soft spot for his sons and daughters and we as PKs are sons and daughters of pastors who are sons and daughters of God. (If that made sense to you.) God has given each and everyone of us a different destiny, and it isn't always in the ministry. That has got to be a stereotype: you go into ministry if you're a PK. But in fact, God has given us different gifts in different fields, even in the secular world. We are to be the light in the darkness, in every field in this evil world.

I was truly blessed by this experience, and I hope all the others who went were blessed too. :) Don't forget what you've learned from this experience, and continue impacting the world. :)

It's 9.45pm and I'm working tomorrowww. :O

Blissful Glee

Visited my website yesterday to see that it was snowing! :) Made my day.

My December so far has been busy and productive. I haven't had a day when I could drop on the sofa and go, "I'm so bored." Nahh, no such thing as being bored when you have such an eventful life like I do. :P

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

First day of my intern job at VOGA Kitchen. Arrived at 9.30am, work only starts at 10am. Walked around, waited. Colleagues arrived, and I had to explain like 5 times who I was and what I was doing there. Waited for my boss for 1 and a half hours doing nothing. -.- She arrived, and gave me a huge stack of interior designing books to read.

Went to lunch with the colleagues which has got to be an experience to remember. They could only speak very limited English, so here I am, eating lunch with them and not understanding a thing they were saying. They occasionally asked me a few questions, all centering around where I was from, how old I am, and the language I can speak. Which happens to be only English, and a little French. Somehow I created the impression of being a foreigner, and they were constantly asking me about it.

Stayed up to 1am, watching the candidates for the 2022 Host County give their presentation. Australia's video was very creative, Her Royal Highness of Qatar was extremely convincing, Landon Donovan's replay of the goal against Algeria gave me shivers yet again, and Bill Clinton's speech was dreadfully long.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

- Christmas deco + major cleaning

- College and OG applications

- Watched England's presentation. It was really good. They had Prince William, Prime Minister David Cameron, and David Beckham. It's a hige pity they didn't get it.

- World Cup Host Announcements: Russia ('18) and Qatar ('22) Bummers, cause I really wanted England and USA respectively. I think England really deserved it for 2018, although I had a gut feeling USA wasn't going to get it for 2022.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Took Bible 1208 LPT, making me feel very productive. :)

Headed to Ebenezer with the mom. The bus took ages. Public transportation is so unreliable. Lots of walking. Vegetarian lunch. 1 and a half hours at the bookstore. Bumped into Cindy. Bought two John Eldridge books, a notebook, and some stickers for the little cousin. All for my RM80 vouchers. Very very satisfied.

Note to all those with Ebenezer vouchers: You should go before Christmas. There's sale. :) So I got like, 20% off.

Daddy's birthday today. Having a steak dinner. ♥ Giving him one of the Eldridge books. And when you do read this Daddy, I hope you had a very wonderful birthday. Thank you for being the greatest Daddy on earth. Love ya!

Mixed and Matched

The first two days of my school holidays have been hectic, stressful, and busy. Today marks the last day to complete my application to Appalachian, and I'm still not done. :\ Picked up my transcript yesterday, bumped into Bee and Sarah at school. ♥ Ran around after dinner with my dad looking for a scanner, who knew a scanner could be so hard to find? Called the college at 11pm, and talked to them for at least 30 minutes. Emails, texts, phone calls - so much to do.

Tomorrow marks my first day of work at Voga Kitchen, and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. I have this sort of mentality that goes, "Let's get this done and over." However, I have to be grateful for this opportunity and give it my all, after all it is one of my dreams to be an interior designer, so here goes. I'll be at Sri Hartamas, so if you live nearby, you can join me for lunch or something. :)

Next week's gonna be jammed pack. Monday will be the only day I have off, then I'm off to my FREE camp with the other PKs - Kat, Vicks, Ry, Josh, David, Grace Goh - so exciting. :D Friday I'll be working yet again, and that'll be one busy week for me. The week after that and I'm thinking of sleepovers and shopping outings with my girls from Aussie. :) For Narniaaa!

Hope you all are having a great holiday. Enjoy every moment you get.

Thanksgiving:)

Thanksgiving, Award's Night, and the last day of school have gone dreadfully fast, but at the same time, I'm so grateful its over too. The last week has been crazy for me. I've been balancing between preparing for Award's Night while rushing to finish my 11th grade. Not the easiest thing to do: lots of midnight oil burnt, and eye bags, but I've accomplished my goal. :)

I could give you a detailed account of everything that happened, but really, it isn't that interesting. Or I could give you a list of things I'm thankful for, but then again, you already know.

So to sum it all off, I'm pretty bummed that instead of sitting around the dining table on Thanksgiving eating turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce, I was eating a rushed (and when I say rushed, I mean 3 minutes dinner) dinner at Quel's and running around at Grace. I so would of enjoyed a quiet evening at home instead of the night I had, but I'm grateful for that once-in-a-lifetime experience. :) No complains.

I'm thankful that I didn't have any candy corn to consume this year, so VERY thankful. I hate candy corn with my guts.

If you think graduating means a life of freedom, you are very wrong. I still have 12th grade to finish, a part time intern job for the month of December, and college applications to send in. Zoe and Mel are coming back very soon, I can't wait to watch Narnia, and I have the PK camp to attend! :) I'm thankful I'm a PK, MK, and TCK.

They say the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas go pass within the blink of an eye, and I'm hoping that's true because I can't wait for Christmas. ♥

Have a blessed holiday! :)
--
EDIT;

Happy birthday my darling Esther. :)

I've seen you grown heights since I've met you,
and I mean that physically and spiritually.
You've become such a beautiful girl who's considerate and thoughtful.
Love you so muchi. ♥ Happy sweet 16.

(Picture taken beginning of this year, and we look so young.)

Different Weathers

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing,

Wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating;

There is really no such thing as bad weather,

Only different kinds of good weather.

#o1. I'm in a light and easy mood, feeling carefree with nothing to do. Haven't felt that way in quite a while, so I'm embracing the feeling.

#02. Take that back, I still have another application essay to write, plus the graduation speech I'll be saying tomorrow. =X

#03. Finished the last book of 11th grade today, yipee. :D

#04. SAT results are out, ask me if you wanna know. :P

#05. Award's Night tomorrowwww! (I love my dress, can't wait to see how my hair will look, and I forgot to get the perfect heels. Either way, they can't make me look much taller.) Graduation ceremony too. :)

To-Do List

__  Contact ASU

__  Backdrop: sewing and painting

__  Drama Practice

__  Finish 4 more LifePAC books before November 24th

__  Follow up on referees

__  Get more letters of recommendation

__  Get SAT scores on the 23rd

__  Get Transcript ASAP

__  Graduation night (Prepare speech!)

__  Internship at VOGA KITCHEN

__  Make checklist for ACU

__  PK Camp in December

__  Update resume

__  Write two essays for ASU application

__  Write at least 3 more personal essays

__  Relax (did I mention that's impossible?)

__  Kiss outings/movies goodbye

November babies :)

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious

As to have friends at a distance;

They make the latitudes and longitudes.

♥

#1, Happy Birthday my darling Zoe. :) I miss you so much. Words cannot describe how much I miss and love you. I hope you had the greatest ever birthday ever, and I'll see you in December.

#2, thanks to all who made my 16th birthday special. Gracie, the cake was amazing and it was so nice to see you after the longest time ever. ♥ I had the greatest time ever, and we have never attracted so much attention at a restaurant before. My two favorite bimbos both "lost" something at Starbucks, but me being the genius (Y), "found" the missing things. Sarah broke a glass with one wave of her hand. HAHA. The gifts were amazing. :) And Tetsuo, thanks for bearing with all of us girls. x)

#3, I found the almost perfect dress for graduation. All thanks to my wonderful gals.

#4, I'll brought the 8 books down to 5. It finally looks like graduation is in the range of possible. :) As much as I hate Science and History, they're finally making some sense. Looks like I'll be sharing my ceremony with my big brother, which is a dream come true.

#5, Bob Bradley has picked the most questionable rooster for the USMNT game against South Africa. I'm still hoping they'll win. :) And as for the USWNT games against Italy, you girls can do it. :)

#6, TOMORROWWWW. :)

Head first, fearless.

Words can be overrated, overused, and yet amazingly essential at the very same time. The best are the short and simple. So I'll do exactly that: keep it short and sweet. :)

I am glad to be back in school. There's Bee to nag with her work, Esther and Math 903, Jon Teh's retardedness, Tetsuo's loud chatter,  and of course Sarah and Kat. :P There's Science and History, Science, History, Science, History, Science... yea you get my flow. There's noise, chatter, laughter. And there's Mr Nicholas to help me pull through the tortures of yet again, Science.

Of course, school's not perfect and I've caught myself many a times wishing I was anywhere but there. But hey, you gotta live by the moment and I'm treasuring every breath. Catching the positive, and overlooking the negative.

Oh, did I mention Science and History?  I have 6 more books to complete by November 24th, no joke. Seems impossible but, impossible or not, I have to do it. Even if I have to burn midnight oil and be anti-social. Although, if I maintain a constant pace, I don't think I'll have to go to such extremes. But you never know, so pray I'll have understanding and knowledge, as well as discipline and patience.

13 days to the 23rd, and with that the scores. :)

Because of You :)

& In every victory let it be said of me:

My source of strength, my source of hope

Is in Christ alone;

#o1. SAT - check. :) Another major step in the whole process of going to college is completed. I'm feeling pretty happy that it's over. Results come out on the 23rd, so till then I live in suspense.

#o2. I'm currently suffering from a sensation that feels like heartburn. Not even kidding. After completing my test, Daddy took me to eat at some Malay restaurant, the food was beyond the definition of spicy, so now it feels like stomach, throat, chest is burning.

#o3. I start school again coming Monday. I have mixed feelings. :\

#o4. USWNT lost to Mexico while I was taking my test. It is a dark cloud in my joy right now. But I trust they'll still qualify for the World Cup. :) C'mon USA gals, show them whatcha made out of.

#o5. Still haven't decided my 4th college, which is what I should go do right now. After that, I tackle my first personal essay for my ASU application. Plus, I have Opportunity Grant to apply for.

#o6. SAT wasn't the end to all busyness, it was only the start. Seey'all peps.

Note to Self: Stay Calm

So that pretty much sums it up. 3 days is like, 72 hours. Well it be really specific, as of 6.45pm on November 3rd, there are 61 hours left. Yes, I counted with my fingers. HAHA.

Today was a BAD day. Really, worse experience ever, I vow not to ever let days like today repeat themselves. And if you really want to know, ask me personally. HAHA. xD Lesson learnt, stay calm. Its really essential.

Day 10: Heart and Soul

So recently, I've been rereading Stories From the Heart and here's one for y'all:

What's It Like in Your Town?

Once there was an old and very wise man. Every day he would sit outside a gas station in his rocking chair and wait to greet motorists as they passed through his small town. On this day, his granddaughter knelt down at the foot of his chair and slowly passed the time with him.

As they sat and watched the people come and go, a tall man who surely had to be a tourist - since they know everyone in the town - began looking around as if he were checking out the area for a place to live. The stranger walked up and asked, "So what kind of town is this that we're in?" The older gentleman slowly turned to the man and replied, "Well, what kind of town are you from?" The tourist said, "In the town I'm from, everyone is critical of each other. The neighbors all gossip about everyone, and it's a real negative place to live. I'm sure glad to be leaving. It is not a very cheerful place." The man in the chair looked at the stranger and said, "You know, that's just how this town is."

An hour or so later a family that was also passing through stopped for gas. The car slowly turned in and rolled to a stop in front of where the older gentleman and his granddaughter were sitting. The mother jumped out with two small children and asked where the restrooms were. The man in the chair pointed to a small, bent-up sign that was barely hanging by one nail on the side of the door. The father stepped out of the car and also asked the man, "Is this town a pretty good place to live?" The man in the chair replied, "What about the town you are from? How is it?" The father looked at him and said, "Well, in the town I'm from everyone is very close and always willing to lend their neighbor a helping hand. There's always a hello and thank you everywhere you go. I really hate to leave. I feel almost like we are leaving family. The older gentleman turned to the father and gave him a warm smile. "You know, that's a lot like this small town." Then the family returned to the car, said their thank yous, waved goodbye and drove away.

After the family was in the distance, the granddaughter looked up at her grandfather and asked, "Grandpa, how come when the first man came into our town you told him it was a terrible place to live and when the family came into town you told them it was a wonderful place to live?" The grandfather lovingly looked down at his granddaughter's wondering blue eyes and said, "No matter where you move, you take your own attitude with you and that's what makes it terrible or wonderful."

I don't think that needs much elaborating, eh? :) I try to check my attitude from time to time, and I think I'm getting pretty optimistic. Which is two thumbs up. Makes everything seem brighter.

#o1. Took my 20th practice today. No I didn't, cause when I was on the first section after the essay, I realized that it was EXACTLY, like precisely, like #10 practice test on my sister's book. (Which I had taken already.) So instead, I did practice questions  on College Board. Tomorrow will mark #20 therefore, and then #21 will be my last and final.

#02. Just in case you don't already know, my SAT date is this coming Saturday. I KNOW, LET THE DATE SINK IN. *exhales loudly* Time flies so fast I hardly blinked at the dates already a handful of days away. And I didn't even throw my alarm clock. HAHA.

#o3. Watched both USWNT qualifying games streamed live online. USA beat Haiti 5-0 and Guatemala 9-0, so I'm really happy. I mean, its really lifting when you watch a game and you're supporting team are playing absolutely wonderful and scoring like, every 10 minutes. :) HAHA. Fyi, the USA Woman's team is #1 in the world, so don't diss. Everton beat Stoke City 1-o and I'm pretty positive Tim Howard did well. HAHA. Fulham 2-0 Wigan Athletic, Clint Dempsey scored both goals. That's the way we roll. :) And although my other favorite teams like AC  lost, I'm still very happy. LAGalaxy beat Seattle in the playoffs too.

#04. Today, I finally logged onto Facebook! :) Well, in conclusion, I'm really glad I took that fast, because it made me realize how stupidly addictive and what a time waster it really is. I kinda lost my interest for it now, and stayed logged on for like 5 minutes before signing off. That's a huge difference compared to the 1 hour I'll stay on it before. Who knows what I did in that 1 hour. It's really pointless.

#o5. Science a'calling. Really need to finish the book plus memorize vocab words. :\ After SAT, I'll still be as busy as ever, trying to finish off 11th grade to I can have a graduation ceremony. :D I'll also have college applications to send in, scholarships and grants to apply for, and maybe a part time job.

#o6. Just before I end, if you don't usually pray, I'm asking you to stop whatever you're doing now and pray for me. Because I could always use your prayers. Pray I'll do okay coming Saturday, and also that I'll find my 4th and last college to apply to. And that the whole college process and finishing high school busy schedule will go smoothly. Thankyous.

Day 9: Unstoppable

Shout it from the rooftop

Write it on the skyline

#o1. Numbers are essentially important these days. For one thing, I am counting down a lot lately. 6 more days till my Facebook fast is over. 11 more days till the dreaded test date. 13 days till I start school again. 19 days till the birthday. :) 30 days till Thanksgiving/Award's Night/release of SAT scores. 1 month+ till Zoe and Mel's return and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader comes out. And well, if you really want to count further, a little more than half a year and I'm off to my beloved America.

#02. Just finished writing an essay about "The Pursuit of Happiness" which I think is my best written essay so far. :) We shall see what the English teacher aka Daddy says when he reads it later on. But it seems cogent, coherent, and all those nice describing words.

#o3. Next Degree's birthday bash went okay. Got to see Justine, Tommy, and Matthew so that makes it a big thumbs up. Worship was pretty good, found a group of God-fearing, wonderful girls with whom I prayed with. :) The lipstick thing was ingenious, it was so awesome-sauce to see bee's red nose and lips. With the whiskers. HAHA. Oh, did I mention I totally lovee Yunnie's naturally curly hair. It's like a doll's hair, shoo pwettyyy.

#o4. I'm still on my crazy soccer spree. USWNT play Haiti coming October 28th for the World Cup qualifications. After that they meet Guatemala and Costa Rica. USMNT will travel to South Africa for the game on November 17th. MLS season just finished, with LA the Western Champions. :) They will play against Seattle in the playoffs. Carlos Bocanegra got injured, but not to worry, St. Etienne are still doing wonderful. As for Borussia Monchengladbach - Michael Bradley, show 'em whatcha got.

#o5. Just found out I need to submit in my ASU application as soon as possible so I can access information concerning scholarships, letters of recommendations, and personal essay. Waiting for the Dad to come home and give me the green light, as well as the magic card. :P

#o6. Today marks Practice Test #16. Finished my sister's old book. Got the highest score ever. :) I'm feeling quite prepared. Science is figuratively killing me, and I should go tackle that right now. So till later, goodbye lovelies.

Day 8: Time to Party

I'm feeling pretty swell right now. Number 1, studying for SAT has been doing good, considering I've gotten 2000+ for the last couple of practice tests. :D (It's not been doing good considering that I didn't progress very hard in my vocab words.) Number 2, today's Next Degree's birthday bash and I'm SO excited. :) Number 3, I have this absolutely fabulous (but extremely short) new hairstyle that makes me feel light and young. HAHA. And number 4, no practice test for today, yippee. =)

So since I don't have to take a practice test today, I did some sample questions on College Board which made me feel pretty good about myself as well. ;)

Ohyeahh, beat that. >:)

I gotta run. Going to school noww. :)

Day 7: 2100 =)

Be the fire in my heart

Be the wind in these sails

Be the reason that I live

Jesus, be the center.

I am happy to tell you that I finally reached the target of 2000, exceeding it by 100. Now I'm finally feeling smart. Looks like all that studying actually did help. :D I still have a million vocab words and haven't reached "G" yet. :P Decided to stop going by alphabets, so starting today, I shall be studying an assorted lettered bunch of words.

College Board, my faithful companion in this whole crazy process of college preparation, has reminded me of something I didn't want to know.

18 days, are you kidding me?

Like Sarah said, when you were younger in a lower grade, you had lots of time to use the computer and chat with your friends. And then, as you grow older, you still want that same amount of time for chatting, but evidently, reality doesn't allow such exceptions. I think it's utterly unfair because not only do I have limited socializing nowadays, but I also have to cut down a lot of my time in front of the computer. (It's easier to do so when you're on a fb fast. ;] )

However, it's especially difficult when you're in the middle of a totally interesting conversation with a friend you haven't talked to in ages. (Like I am now.) I mean, there's so much to catch up on. And then he goes, "brb". =.= SO LIKE MATTHEW.

Essay to be written, and remembering the dreaded number of 18, I'd better get going.

Day 6: TGIFriday & Fifteen

Word cannot describe how glad I am that it's finally Friday. My brain is burned to the core at this point. Today marked my 10th practice test, and although I don't exactly see a drastic amount of improvement, I'm working on it. Scraping the skyscrapers of 2000 but I'll reach it - see if I don't. ;) 22 more days, and College Board is my constant reminder.

(Fair warning: this post is gonna be jumbled, extremely arbitrary, and not at the least cogent. Keep in mind the condition of my brain.)

#o1. Yesterday I stumbled upon a piece of irony which made me think and as a result, make a promise. How often do we say something that perhaps is cliche or polite, but not really meaning what we say. For example, we go, "I'll pray for you." but when prayer time comes you completely forget about praying for that person. No bad intension involved, just mere forgetfulness. We end our wishes with a "God bless you" but do we really sincerely want God to bless that person? One may even misuse the words "I love you". Who knows. "I love you" are easy words to say when you're expected to love that person, or its a close girlfriend of yours (for the girls out there).

I made a promise to myself at that very moment to always mean what I say. And especially remember to pray for people I have said, "I'll pray for you." Because that can be the hardest promise to keep - think about it. They'll never know if you kept that promise or not. Its simply up to your own conscience.

#o2. Talked to the big brother yesterday. Haven't done that in a while. :) Made me miss him even more than ever. Because I will never stop missing him, but sometimes its more than usual. Before I went to sleep, I remembered that little insignificant saying he'll tell me. Its not profound in any sense, but I always remember it. He'll say, after one of my constant emotional breakdowns at the age of 13, "You'll understand when you're 15." And I'll think, what is there to understand when I'm 15 that I can't understand now?

Well after a few years of anxious waiting (and perhaps forgetting his infamous saying), I think I've finally hit the well. I do remember that when I turned 15 last November, I thought, "Well here's to number 15 and whatever I'll understand this year." And as my 15th year of this life draws to an end, I think I finally understand what he meant. So here's to the profound moment of revelation.

When I was 13, my sister was the constant problem in my life. I'll always be upset about the way she was so mean to me (biggest bully ever, I know), how I felt so much expectations upon myself because I was the sister of the great, genius Lydia Chang. Much more than that, but that pretty much sums it up. That's when Jon told me, I'll understand at 15.

It's rather vague what he meant, but I now understand what he understood. I don't think any words could describe it. But if you're the youngest in the family, I'll tell you this - you too will understand at 15. At 15, stuff like that no longer bothers you. Maybe its the carefree attitude that comes with puberty, who knows. But you also discover a new type of self confidence that leaves with the assurance that you are different and unique. Not even your blood related sister could share that uniqueness with you.

I guess its only coincidence that my sister left for college when I'm 15. Because that plays a huge role in understanding what Jon meant. I think the best way of describing it is this : Learning to let go. Letting go of the little grudges you hold against others, letting go of the friends whom you cared about (and who possibly didn't return the same feelings), letting go of the people who slip out of your life as quickly as they slipped in, letting go of the hurts, simply letting go. Because life's a journey, changes happen, and clinging on to the past isn't gonna help anything. And when we learn to let go, we realize how much we have now, instead of counting our losts.

The best part of letting go - the future ahead looks so aesthetic. Bright, colorful, and promising. And you don't have to look back.

So to bring that profound moment to an end, the song "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift comes to mind. Just because of the name, the lyrics are rather irrelevant in this situation. But anyway, it made me feel good that I finally understand what Jon meant. And like I said, don't try asking me what he meant. Because well, it's not exactly capable of being described with words but I did try. Maybe it's only something blood related, yea catch the pun, siblings can understand.

#03. Doesn't it bring shivers down your spine when you think of the amazing job the Chileans and Americans did in rescuing those 33 miners? It gives me shivers. It makes me proud of the effort people put in for other people. Lives are precious, indeed.

#o4. I'm getting pumped for the coming Friday. Staying at home is mentally exhausting because I work more than 6 hours a day. Worse than school, truly. So I can't wait for the break. :)

Oh, and on another note, who's willing to skip school to go out with me on the 5th of November? Hah, I kid. Be good children and go to school. But seriously, day before SAT has been proclaimed as a holiday by me for me. So I'm all up to an outing or something of that sort. As long as I don't study at all. I know, unheard of. :P

And andd, suggestions for my 16th celebration? Ideas are welcome. (My mommy was like, do you want a 6-foot ice cream too? =.=) And don't say, "YES! Let's do a 6-foot ice cream!" because that would be just mean. I am not crazy over ice cream.

#o5. My blog stats have been diminishing. I've been getting only like 10 visitors a day compared to around 30 per day. So c'mon peoples, clicky click, I know you love me. :) Toodles for now.

P/s. Its crazy ironic how coherent my title is with my blog post. Number 1, I'm really glad its Friday. And Number 2, I talked about being Fifteen and well, it's the 15th of October too. &lastly, number 3, Day 6 is for the letter F. So there you go. :) I'm ingenious, you don't have to tell me, I know. :P

Day 5: Ex's and Oh's

Click here to read the sweetest story. :)

#o1. Today, I found evidence that all the writing and extensive vocabulary words actually have benefited me. I feel smart. :D Did really well in my Critical Reading section.

#02. Finished the Firstborn series by Karen Kingsbury. I like fictional novels but sometimes its so unrealistic. Honestly, someone like Dayne does not exist ever. You can never find a Hollywood star who's America's heartthrob that's totally in love in a typical girl - and to tip it off, is crazy after God's heart. I mean, seriously. Description of my dream guy that doesn't exist.

#o3. USMNT tied with Poland 2-2 on Sunday. Which was pretty okay because they played well. Big Man Altidore scored, and so did even taller man Oguchi Onyewu. (And I love his name because I don't know how to pronounce it - making it lovable.) And there was Carlos Bocanegra then, even if Landon was MIA.  &just so you know: Bocanegra, Donovan, and Bradley are my favs.

#o4. Followed the US against Colombia (with the "O") game this morning. Tied 0-0, can you believe it?! Apparently the 4-3-3 formation ruffled them up and Bradley and Jones were stepping on each others toes. =.= (I blame it all on the fact that Landon and Carlos were MIA, and there was only Bradley there. HAHA.) Michael got a goal in, but Josy was offside. Don't you just hate it when a goal is scored but called offside. I mean, that 3rd goal USA scored against Slovenia in the World Cup seriously should have counted.

#o5. Anyway, since you all are suckers for US soccer and only bother following the Premier League or something, I'll leave you trying to analyze what I just said and go study Science. How's that for an ending? Adieu mes amis. :)

Day 4: D is for a "Dearth" Society

I have two drafts entitled Day 4 and have never actually gotten around to publishing it, so let's get Day 4 done and over with. I still haven't mastered my dreadful C's, but I'm working on it - while moving on to D's. I'm kinda panicking because I've only done like 3/26 of my entire stack of vocab cards and its to 11th already? Shoot me already, my memory is failing quickly.

Anyway, tomorrow marks the day when I do a brand new practice test without Chech's erased marks over the right answer. (Which makes it painstaking easy for me, muahaha.) That shall be the real test of how genius I really am. I am hating critical reading increasingly everyday. Really, you can't expect my vocabulary to be that extensive.

Science, on the other hand, is going pretty good. Had a short visit to the school today, where Mr Nicholas imparted all his knowledge on the subject of chemistry to me - thank goodness. :) Spent some good bonding time with 'em buddies, which was a huge relief after been cooped up at home for the longest time imaginable. Laughter is definitely the best medicine. Visited the second home too. ;)

College applications are underway. I have yet to pick out people to write my letters of recommendation and begin that dreadfully long list of personal essays. Need to write my resume too. It's gonna be a busy busy 3 to 4 months ahead of me, I foresee it.

Dinner is ready and my stomach begs mercy so I shall close. It doesn't look like the blog will be very alive, after all my life pretty much consists of SAT, Science, college, food, sleep, work, did I mention SAT? Toodles.

Like Dandelion Dust

This is called unfair. It probably isn't even in Malaysia. D:

Day 3: a "Capacious" Life

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
~Hugh Downs

Is a person's happiness based on circumstances or attitudes? Plan your response, and then write an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to support your position with specific points and examples from personal examples or examples from your reading, observations, or, knowledge of subjects such as history, literature, science.

---

Above is an example of a topic I would receive to write an essay about. I have 25 minutes in total to write my essay. By the time I read the above plus actually think of examples to support my view, there's 15 minutes left to write it. Yea, well I go through this every day fyi. Welcome to the tortures of SAT.

For the record, practice test are a killer. I'm taking one every single day, so that translated into very simple English means: "I die everyday." Not even kidding. A practice test has 9 sections which takes up a total of 3 hours, no break in between. I don't know how I'm gonna survive on the real day. At home its much more comfortable because the desk chair is large - and don't forget it's twirly! - plus you have plenty of elbow space.

Besides space and comfortability, my worse crisis is definitely time. Seriously, I can never finish the math questions in the time they give me. &Math being my strongest point, that is bad because I'm getting them wrong simply because I haven't even done them yet!

And then there's these long reading passages that I could fall asleep reading. Yesterday I encountered one that was actually interesting. It was a portion of a story which was written with the same style of Jane Austen in a historical setting. Of course there was a tinge of romance, and just as I'm starting to enjoy it - it ends abruptly. I was like, thanks a lot, ETS. =.= (Yea, but I really wanna finish the story so I'mma search it up, HAHA.)

Staying off fb the last couple of days hasn't been much of a challenge basically because (1) I'm hardly on the computer and (2) ussoccer.com, mls season, and soccer in general is a totally good alternative. :P Galaxy remain #1 while USWNT beat China 2-1. :) Ohyeaa.

Well basically, I'm sick and tired of SAT and dying to get out of the house. I'm so psyched for the weekend because it means no practice test to take up half my day and leave me exhausted for the other half. Hopefully I can go out, do some shopping maybe, or something on that line. :)

P/s. I do not miss school. HAHA.

Day 2: B is for "Beatific" Feelings

Hey peeps. :)

My weekend was packed with activities until I woke up Sunday morning with a cramped stomach and a very sore back. I was practically the definition of despondent, so my plans for a filled day went out the window. I planned on attending a university fair @ Hilton and seeing the representative of SCAD, but alas! I was in too much pain.

And how could I overlook Saturday and Sport's Day. (I'm counting my last's nowadays.) Picked up Charmaine and arrived at the very wet and muddy field @0715 hours. Ran 'errands' for Christina and Mr Nicholas, emceed, and proceeded with the telematches. The hip-hop performance was pretty good too. :) Oh and did I mention that my team is absolutely awesome? Cause it is, and we won. :D

Okay and then, I was innocently standing around when Bee comes and goes like, "Hi Hazel!". (I should have suspected something then, but I didn't put the adjective "innocent" for no reason.) Next thing I know someone (I don't even know who!) picks me up and Bee takes my feet and I'm carried and dropped into a puddle of mud and water. Of course, you can't forget the screaming but it didn't really help. And then I get up and Jill and Jamie cover me with more mud. (Like I'm not muddy enough already.) And then, of all things they want a GROUP PICTURE when I look horrendous and everything. =.= It was apparently my goodbye present, I mean how kind and appreciative they are of me. And now my back is really sore. You all should feel bad. Now I'm like an old woman with back pain.

It's okay I forgive you. :)

Well I arrive home in the worse state imagined, and stayed in the bathroom for 2 hours straight - not even exaggerating. I washed my shoes, my clothes, my hair, and myself. :P It took ages and ages to get all the mud off my clothes and stuff. I mean, I formed arm muscles just because I scrubbed so hard. Which is good. (Y)

Today marks my second day of preping for SAT, I've mastered 70 vocabulary words so far. (I need to make that 100 by tonight.) 33 days till doom's day - College Board never fails to remind me. Did a practice test and died a million times. Its so longgg and I'm always running out of time for my Math Sections. Seriously, how to finish 20 questions in 25 minutes? Please ETS, be reasonable.

Well the good news is I got around 1700 - 1800, so I'm pretty satisfied. (I mean, give me a break, I was sick with a painful stomach and a sore back while taking the test.) Plus, the evil test gave me a fever so I have every right to hate it.

Rested the rest of the day because well, I'm feeling pretty sick. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, because I have another practice test to tackle, as well as my Science book, and more vocab. Pray for me, please.

P/s. Parentheses are the chill. :)

Day 1: A is for "Abstruse" Words

Abstruse words, indeed. I abominate my increasing large stack of vocabulary cards. I am aghast. It is utterly convincing that ETS wants to abash, abase, and abate my very well being. It has left me feeling inadequately adroit, neither has it given me an accolade for my knowledge, but only serves to adumbrate me of the tortures ahead. I wish I was agile in my ability to memorize words, but that is not the case. I accentuate and advocate you to start your memorizing at a early stage.

Talk about learning new words. I've learned at least 30 new words in a matter of 1 hour. And well, if you can actually understand the paragraph above - I'll say you have a huge vocabulary. :P (especially if you're Malaysian)

1st day of staying at home and prep-ing for the dreaded SAT. It was peaceful and relaxing, greatly contrasting a regular day in school. Only thing  is my mom is also staying at home with me, for the entire month of Oct - there goes my dream of freedom at home. Greeaattt, just great. :)

Also, today's the 1st day of my Facebook fast. I have to say, I decided to commit to such a fast at a moment's impulse. I'm not suffering - its only one day, and I've gone many a day's without Facebook before. It does get addictive in a way though, so I'm really glad I'm having this fast.

Off to making more vocab cards, deciphering my sister's messy handwriting, and reading more about the Math Section. Tomorrow's sports day at such an unheard of hour in the day. See y'all then - and my team is awesomee. :D

excalibur

Today marks a very important day in my life, well in my classification - it's pretty important. :P I'm slowly closing one chapter of my life, and its a slow, gradual closing. Its like reading this amazingly good book and not wanting to close it when you're done, simply cause you want to turn back to every page that made you laugh, or cry, or bring back bittersweet memories. That's the best way to describe it.

Therefore I'm holding on to those few pages left, not wanting to close it - to let go, but at the same time so excited to move on. Almost like there's an amazing sequel coming after it, but I still want to dwell with the amazing book I just read.

That's exactly how I feel.

slow fade

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

#01, amazing what song just came to mind. :) Slow Fade by Casting Crowns. Go listen to it and pay extra attention to the lyrics. I especially like the line, "It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray." Wow.

#o2, for your amusement and only that - I just landed flat on my butt and back while running on a freshly mopped floor. Genius, I know. No wonder we tell children not to run. I laid on the wet floor for like, 2 minutes, it was so painful. And then I went on facebook and liked the group called, Did you just fall?" No, I attacked the floor. "Backwards?" Yes, I am freaking talented. HAHA.

#o3, Day of Excellence is officially over. Sung my solo today, thought I did horrendously bad because my voice was so shaky and I'm pretty sure I went off key at some parts. I was so nervous. But I'm definitely glad that's over.

#o4, worship lead today. I'm very proud of my team for staying focused and not getting distracted in our one and only task - worshiping God. I think we did pretty well considering our terrible practice on Tuesday. :P

#o5, will be registering for SAT tomorrow and finalizing at least 3 of the colleges I will be applying to. Need to decide on a final college soon. Pray for me.

#06, haven't been doing much Science this week. It's killing, really. I have no idea what I'm reading. This 3-day weekend shall be devoted to studying my horrid Science.

#07, just finished skyping with my beloveds - Ang Bee Bee, Raquel Ho, and the sister. Fyi, I am still not over my phobia but I'm working on it, I assure you. Hopefully when I'm USA I'll be brave enough to skype y'all. HAHA. (It's not my fault, my phone-life was scarred.)

#o8. Our God is, indeed, an Awesome God. :D

you make me crazier

Time for a proper update, I knoww. Let's see if I can type a short one out in 10 minutes? (I have 15 pages of Science still yet to be done and it's not making any sense.) You have yet to experience the definition of business if you ever step into my shoes for 1 week. I need to scream.

Last Monday, went to Baskin' Robbins with Ms Cath and the gals - Sarah, Quel, and Bee. Girls time out. :) We talked, serious talk, and had somber faces on most of the time, but it was fun. :D Thank you Ms Cath for the yummy ice-cream and sending me home for two days. :)

P.E. on Wednesday was fun. Scored a million goals in the all-timer game Captain's Ball. Simply because Bee is so good at catching on top the chair. HAHA. :) Beat the other team flat, but it was challenging nevertheless, lots of running up and down.

My weekend was filled with doing college stuff. The list of stuff I have to complete is just crazy long. So you take one list of things I have to do concerning one college and you times it by 4. Cause there's 4 colleges I'm applying to. :O

Not mentioning, I got an email from the International Director of Admissions at SCAD and she's coming to Malaysia. So I'm gonna be attending the University Fair on the 3rd of October and meet up with her. :) That'll be cool, but apparently University Fairs are crazy crowded and chaotic so not cool - considering that.

This week is jammed pack. DOE on Wednesday to Friday. And I'm leading for worship on Friday since BU3 backed down. Pray for me... and Gong, my co-leader. :P

I have 5 more LPT's to complete before the end of September, talk about it. :\ And then of course, the countdown to my dreaded yet anticipated month of October begins. 11 days more.

This is messy, but there's a short update about how hectic my life is gonna be... for at least 8 months. And then off to college babyy. :D It's worth it, all the stress, pain, and sweat. :P

simple as that

Be joyful always;

1 Thessalonians 5:16

(It's amazing how hard such a simple verse can get)

philosophy of the week

You serve God when you feel like it,

You serve Him when you don't feel like it,

And you serve Him until you feel like it.

My week of school holidays have been absolutely amazing. I thought I'll be at home 24/7 but it turns out that God had different plans. ;) Time for a proper update and get ready to hear how amazing life can be when you serve Him. I'm not just saying that because I know that and its like, Bible or head knowledge, but it really is true.

Basically Monday and Tuesday were home-alone days when I tried to study and succeeded. :D Haha. Did lots of house chores, you have no idea what needs to be done when you're lazing at home and your eye catches something. And then, of course, being the perfectionist that I am, I won't feel comfortable until its done. Hehh.

Wednesday, did a LPT, and then headed off to the workshop thingy at MACEE. Bumped into Kat, sat beside her, and then in the middle I saw all the latecomers - Saphy, Jo, and Josh. It was good, made me aware of a few more details I should look out as I continue this tedious job of looking for colleges.

Anyway, I think I only labeled this week as "amazing" because of yesterday. Last day at home alone, so I took it seriously and enjoyed the peace and quiet. To be honest with you, I love staying home alone. I talk to God practically the whole day, outloud. It helps. Cause its like, you're actually talking to someone. And you can tell him the most random things. Did you know He's random too? :)

Back to my Thursday, I set up my computer speakers right near the couch, grabbed my Bible and notebook, got comfy and listened to TWO sermons. Crazy good. That's when I heard the phrase I put above. Both sermons were on a series about worship, and I have never looked at worship that way before.

The simplest definition of Biblical worship is this:

Drawing near, bending down, and giving honor.

And according to Colossians 3:17, worship is simply whatever. As in, whatever. The way you would say whatever to your friend when they ask you what you want to do tomorrow. Or whatever you're gonna do when you get home from school.

Hebrews 12:28-29 says,

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.

I've never seen such simple guidelines. Simply, with reverence and awe. How many times do we lose our reverence and awe of God's holiness? It says in Nehemiah that when the Word of God was read, the people stood up. We take of our hats, stand tall, and put our hand to our heart when the national anthem is played. In the same way, we should have such a culture of honor for God.

Reverence is the appropriate response of behavior in the face of greatness.

Awe is the appropriate attitude and the internal engagement in the face of greatness.

That's all it takes, to worship God.

I highly encourage you to go listen to Paster Jeff's sermons yourself. It's like, wow. Click here to listen to Why Do We Do That? and here to listen to In the Face of Greatness. I guarantee you, you won't regret it. Why do we always have to time to download movies and songs, watch funny videos on YouTube, but not have to time to hear God's Word? Honestly, something's not right there.

Today, I had to apply that serving-God-when-you-don't-feel-like-it concept. I was doing my morning devotions when I got a call from my dear Sarah asking me to go for this prayer meeting that Elaine and the Taman SEA people arranged. I said, okay I'll try to come, and put down the phone with no intension of going. I texted her 10 minutes later saying I wouldn't be going. She, on the other hand, started praying that I'll hear a little voice in my head telling me to go. She also told Bee to call me and try to convince me.

I got into the shower, all the while praying and spending time with my best friend. I was changing when I heard God speak. It was not clear or audible, but it was a definite urging to GO! I was like, "God are you crazy, it's 11am (the prayer meeting starts at 12), it's way too last minute, my parents will highly doubtfully let me go, so I'm not going." He answered telling me that there was a difference in saying "NO" to events that would only give ME pleasure and saying "NO" to events that meant glorifying God. I told him, "Yea I know that, I'll do that from now on, but not today."

Very clearly, "You can't compromise with God."

"Yea, God, I know that!"

And thennn, my phone rang. It was Bee.

God's timing is perfect, I tell you. It was like, true confirmation that I was suppose to go.

To my surprise, my parents immediately said yes without even wanting any details. Whoa.

&well, for the record, it wasn't even a prayer meeting because only 7 of us showed up, but we had a very deep and encouraging talk. Got to know the Taman SEA people much better, which is definitely thumbs up. Had lots of fun, laughing and chatting, because well, everyone loves Bee. :) Bonding with a group of strong Christian friends, talking about problems in our lives, getting encouraged - that's what can refresh your soul like *snaps finger* that.

I feel good, cause today was a good day. (In deep contrast to my last Friday, which was terrible.) I came back home, and I said to myself, "I actually went. Wow. I thought it'll be impossible." And listening to God, nothing can beat that.

Never lose sight of how amazing the God you serve is. Don't even lose the reverence and awe you should have for Him. And never ever forget, he answers prayers. But most importantly, when there's a will, there's a way.

Vouloir, c'est pouvoir.

insight

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.
Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

Stumbled upon this verse today while doing Bible. I've been meaning to search up this verse a while ago, but today I happened to find it without even looking. I had no idea it was the verse right before our SOAR 2010 Camp Theme Verse.

Well, its pretty straight forward and square. We can do anything we want, there may be rules, but no one can actually stop you. The simple point here is simply, not everything we do will help us. I don't know about you, but I don't want to waste my time doing something that doesn't even benefit you.

Anyway, my holidays are doing good. Right now I'm listening to a sermon by my old time favorite pastor, Pastor Jeff Tarbox. Its entitled, "In the Face of Greatness." Really good. When you have time, you should really try listening to sermons. Grap some chips, hit the couch, and you'll have no idea how easy it is to concentrate and get something out of it. (Not all pastors are as boring as it gets on certain Sundays) :P

P/s. I was looking through some old pictures and my goodness, memories totally flood in. I really really want to post up pictures of Matthew in a bikini and Lyd covered with flour - but I shall resist, before I get slaughtered later on. HAHA.

you got mail

Yesterday, two things arrived at my doorstep. :)

#o1. A parcel from the sister. :D



She sent me some sort of craft kit that she got me from Japan. And she stole my notepads that I left in our old house. Don't you just love my puppies and penguins, are they cute or what? :P



I started to assembly the thingy-ma-jigg immediately. And check out the nails, I totally love them. :) (Oh did I mention, I was able to read Japanese - NOT!)



anndddd...



TAA-DAA! It was pretty fun to assemble.

#o2. My humongous SAT book. :|



My one is the 2010 edition (second from the left). Talk about huge. Plus, I have my sister's one (first from the left), which is the 2009 edition, and this Up Your Score book I told you about.



Did I mention I have this huge stack of vocab cards too? :\

I'm going to be busy busy during the holidays. Toodles. :)

integrity

I've pressed "New Post" a million times in the last couple days. I've typed out some nonsense, pressed "Publish", only to delete it 5 minutes later. I've asked myself over and over, what is worth writing about, and how would it benefit those who read it? Good questions. So very often we write things that aren't even worth writing, let alone reading.

Stumbled upon a post on Sarah's blog, click here to read it. :) It talks about integrity, and how sometimes doing the right thing makes you feel wrong. Yes, I've noted the irony. Right now, in this period of my life, this relates to me completely. I feel like I'm a party-pooper all the time, I feel like people exclude me from conversations because I'm no fun. As Sarah puts it,

It feels as if people term you from the behind of their mind. Party pooper, don't tell her, its not worth it. You're just getting yourself into trouble if you tell her.

Well said. I can't laugh when everyone's laughing, I can't join in the fun because in my standards of values, it's wrong. And so many times, it feels like doing the right thing has a bigger punishment than doing the wrong thing. No one tells me anything because I'll ruin the fun and tell them to stop. Don't tell me it's not true, because it is. I'm good little church girl Hazel. I don't want that title, but its what I get. It's not easy, and I find myself feeling so excluded from having fun. Its not that I don't want to have fun, or my definition of fun is different, it's just that I have a very clear line drawn between right and wrong. There's no shade of gray in this, there's only pure black and white.

Ms. Vanita shared one day at devotion about procrastinating. She pointed out a verse to us which stated that we will be judged for what we didn't do, that we should have. I've experienced that quite a bit the last couple weeks. I've gotten in trouble because I didn't do something I should have done. Gotten in trouble for not doing the right thing. Not that I did something wrong, I just didn't do the right thing. I chose to flow with the crowd instead of standing up for what I believe in, standing up to my values. And that, by itself, is wrong.

Churchill said something that sums this up. He said, You have enemies? Good that means you stood up somewhere, for something. How true. I'd rather have a million enemies than a guilty conscience that I compromised with my set of values.

I'm sorry if this is too deep for you, but at least it is something worth writing, and worth reading. :) And shoutout to Sarah for that amazing post which opened my eyes and helped me express what I've been feeling the last couple of months.

Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine. Its nice to know that Jesus is smiling. :)

P/s. Happy Merdeka Day. :D

little "tips"

I decided to just post a short one, since this is absolutely lame. I'm reading Up Your Score by Six Kids who Aced the SAT. Its... helpful? In a way. (I'm trusting its what made my sister get a 2350.)

Here's a method for you:

"The clothes you wear on the test day are very important. If the test is on a rainy day, wear a raincoat. However, if the test is on a day when the Red Sox are playing at home, wear two pairs of socks. If there has been an earthquake during the past week anywhere in Canada, make sure you wear a blindfold during the test (you can take it off during the breaks). Follow these rules, and you are destined to score well."

I like the Red Sox part. HAHA. :) Well, here's to 5-days-long weekend filled with staying at home, studying, looking for more colleges... did I mention staying at home? I'm not complaining, home beats school by far. Its just that I'm already bedridden to my wonderful house for the entire month of October, does it look like I need a 5 days break? ;) I cannot wait for june/july of next year. :D

Time is an illusion

Just finished cooking, and eating, an amazing dish of pasta with pesto sauce. Basil, garlic, cheese, almonds, bacon... yummy. :)

Yesterday, I skyped with Lyds and Ian, a 9 year old who's 5 foot 2, weighing 120 pounds, and wears a size 8 shoe. He, if anyone else, makes me feel like a midget. But then again, a lot of people make me feel like a midget anyways. :P

Me So how about you stand so we can see how tall you are.
Ian Oh my gosh.

Well, anyway, to update you about my sister's driving skills, she's so good, she ended up on the other side of the road when turning a sharp corner. HAHA. Not to mention that her instructor was like, "Smart people usually aren't good drivers." I plan to prove him and all the other mean criticizers of woman drivers wrong when I start driving.

Ever feel like, you have so little time but so much at the same time. I have such a busy schedule set out for me for the coming year and it seems like there's so much to do... but I'm just sitting here, enjoying all the free moments I have for myself. I don't feel like I'm wasting time or doing nothing, I'm not worried, I'm perfectly at peace because I know what's ahead for me.

Sometimes, I look around me and I see everyone wasting time and messing around aimlessly with no goal in life or plan. Its sad because they don't really know what they're doing. It just makes me really glad to know that at least I know what I'm working for - at least for the next 2 years of my life. I have an amazing writer of my life. :)

♫ Oliver James Ride of Your Life

so long, farewell.

And I hope you find it

What you're looking for

And I hope it's everything

You dreamed your life could be

And so much more

Today's Rachel See's last day, thus the title. Shoutout to her: wishing you all the best in Thailand. Study hard, follow Him, and hold on there when you feel alone, tired, or scared. Thankyou for being a great companion in work, discussing tests, questions, and projects. :) I'll miss youu.

School's been boring, tedious, strenuous, and whatnot. I'm pulling through, trying to be content, but to be honest, I cannot wait for October. Rephrase that, I can't wait for July 2011. :D

I've been searching for colleges, and have stumbled across quite a few that I'm liking. Pray that I'll pick the right 4 and I'll get accepted. Hopefully a scholarship too. God's will, not mine.

I really should go write my research paper on dolphin's intelligence. I absolutely adore dolphins (and horses), but writing a research about them - totally not my thing. D:

Oh, not forgetting, it's the 19th of August. ;)

Happy Birthday Raquel :)

you and me.

No one has made me feel like you do, Ronnie.

I don't want to lose you.

#o1. I'm indulging in country music. :) Kenny Chesney - Boys of Fall ♥
#o2. This weekend, I order my SAT Prep book. Princeton! :)
#o3. &more searching for colleges. :\
#o4. The Last Song, OMG LOVE.  I could not stop crying throughout the movie. Definitely an 8/10 if not moree. :)
#o5. I've been reading the Redemption Series by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley. Really niceeee. Aaahh. <3
#06. Lizards never fail to ruin my day.
#o7. I need to write a research paper and am entirely blank on a topic. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

(Yes, this blog post is entirely jumbled.)

peek-a-boo

I just came back from an amazing three days. I'm physically exhausted but trust me, very mentally and spiritually refreshed. It also made me aware of what an amazing bunch of friends I have... yet again. And lastly, it pointed out my biggest fault. Underestimating.

To be honest, I agreed to attend this because I felt obliged(?). Okay, not exactly the perfect adjective, but let's just say I wasn't exactly sure why I was going. As Friday drew nearer, I got excited. I started expecting something. Mainly, I just wanted to have a refreshing break. I think I got more than that.

I always think there's a line to everything. In this case, there's a line to being serious and having fun. And I'm really proud to say that I think we did a reallyyy good job drawing that line exactly where it needed to be drawn. Being me, I'm that sort of person who draws the line a little closer to seriousness than fun, if you get me. Usually I'm the one organizing it and getting stressed and everything - perfecting the whole thing - so maybe that's why the line ends up closer to seriousness. It was really nice not having much to do in organizing this one. Trust me, its so nice to be served to.

Going back to that one word - underestimating. After spending this weekend with the 10 of them, I'm surprised that I thought lower of them. I have no idea how to phrase this. Sometimes, I misjudge? I mean, not in a bad way. I just didn't see everyone in their highest potential.

Well, if you ask me what was the best part of the retreat, it wouldn't be one specific radical event. But I think the best part of all the wonderful parts would be simply the memories. Its like, I finally felt I could relate to everyone. A mention of this old school mate, and I know that person. A mention of an event that happened a while back at school, and its like, you get to chip in cause you were there when it happened. I guess it all comes with the amount of time you spend with a certain group, in this case, a school.

Once again, I swallow regret because it always seems that right when I've finally reached simple contentment is when I have to go. I guess that's where the phrase, "If its not okay, then it's not the end." comes in. I use the reverse. It's finally okay - thus, it's the end. This is not a first. I reached the point of pure happiness in Maine, and exactly then I had to leave.

As hard as it is, I know God has a great plan for me, for you, and for all of us. I thank Him so much for giving this opportunity to spend this time with you all, for teaching something, and for being always in charge. As for the 10 of you alongside me, I really hope you'll never forget this experience. I love you all. :)

P/s. Not forgetting basketball, toothpaste, Skip-Bo, and everything else. Oh, and did I mention that Ang Bee Bee is so awesome? Well, she is.

P/p/s. There's now a LIKE button in wordpress. So go like this. If you don't see the option below, go press "Leave a comment" at the top of the post and like it. :) I know you like anyhow. :P

life through a pinhole.

my daily life on board my dear computer consist of this:

Firstly, I totally lurrveee my Google Chrome theme.

Secondly, this really boosts your self-esteem. :D

My critical reading skills need improvement? :\

CNN is absolutely, completely boring.

And lastly, College Board tells me exactly what to do. :)

i'll hold on to you.

Movies are so inspirational. :) So are books. So this is what I've been spending my time on. Other than school work, college prep, SAT questions.. stuff that kills. :P

Movies;

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StarStuck
Entirely predictable. I love the songs though. And Sterling Knight should really change his hairstyle and his voice should crack more, because he looks and sounds sissy. :P 7/10

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The Might Ducks
Typical sport movie about a lawyer turned into a hockey coach.. It was pretty funny though. I could not stop laughing at some parts. 7/10
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Tru Confessions
Okay, so this one is like, a must watch. I was crying throughout the movie.It is so sweet. It's an old Disney movie, but I think Disney movies should start creating more movies like this one - instead of all the Hannah Montana, HSM, and Camp Rock stuff. 9.5/10, I'm serious.

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Books;

Sunrise
Don't you just love the cover. :) Its shoo prettyy. :D Karen Kingsbury is my other hero besides Jane Austen and C.S. Lewis. Its about two families, plenty of romance, but its Christian and realistic. In a way. I mean, cause Dayne in the book would never ever be real. I want to read the whole series! I'll give it a 8/10.

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Sense & Sensibility
I read the book. I've come to the conclusion that guys in novels are so unrealistic. Seriously, it would be impossible to find someone as sensible as Edward. But now I want to watch the movie. 8/10

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Wild at Heart
I'd give this a 10/10 because I think every guy should read this. And perhaps girls too, so we won't be so hard on the guys. :) Personally, I think I learned a lot about the opposite gender?
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Captivating
... and I'm currently reading this. So far so good. :) By the same author and his wife of Wild at Heart. Just the girl version.

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Other than indulging in books and movies, my life has been pretty busy. I'm so glad July is over. I feel accomplished too, because I managed to reach the target of 10 books. :) August is going to be crazy, I have to stop doing my beloved Math and catch up on my Science and History. Not to mention sports tournaments and DOE. D: oh,  and I'm gonna be ordering my SAT book already. :)

I think my week went extremely well. I don't know why, but I was just so content. I've been asking God for his peace and he's definitely filled me with it. Peace that transcends all understanding. It's like, I can be in the middle of a circumstance, but somehow I'm peaceful. Thank you Abba. xx.

Just a quick note before I close this post. (I need to go do SAT prep, read CNN, write a speech, and the list goes on) I really need your prayers. I have to decide by September the four colleges I'll apply to. And what major I want to study. Decisions, decisions. :\

And the peace of God
which transcends all understanding
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
♥

when the road gets crazy, I can still stand.

Sister leaves this Wednesday, we had a "surprise" party for her on Friday arranged by the smartypants, Isaac Thong. Applause, because he did a fabulous job. =.= Anyway, it was fun and my stomach was very content even if my wallet wasn't.

My weekend was in overall, pretty okay except at the very end of it, my heart just had to break. </3 I went out for dinner yesterday and when I came back, it was 8pm. Quickly turned the computer on to see who won to the game : USA vs Nigeria. And the penalty shots were just about to start! Imagine the suspense. I was screaming my head off. Christine Nairn and Sydney Leroux missed the penalty shots, making a 4-2 lost for USA. SAD I KNOW. I almost cried. I mean, of all people, why Nairn and Leroux?! D:

It's just SO SHOCKING because the USA U-20 woman's team is like defending champions and rated #1. aksnajdbasf. Nigeria?! C'mon USA. D:

Yes, that was my weekend made sad. And that was a short update. Just so that you don't continuously have to stare at my amazing post below. It is amazing, no? I really should go get some work done. Reports, LPT tomorrow, and Science ST. :\

OH, did I mention I failed my Math 1202 LPT by 78% and thennnn, I got 100% on the alternate. Well, I did. :D

EDIT on 07/27/10; I am currently in a very happy mood and miss jumping in piles and piles of raked leaves. Plus, to top it up with cherries, my beloved Red Soxs totally beat the LA Angels, 6-3. YESYESYESHH! :D

Anyway, this is the cycle of my life. Every time I sit myself in front of the computer there's at least one report to write, plenty of CNN news articles for me to read, SAT Questions of the Day, and new vocabulary words.

Today, I feel accomplished however, because the class was the definition of peace and quiet. ♥ Thus, I finished all my goals for the day by lunch and did my goals for tomorrow as well. And hiphorray, I'm totally ffk-ing school tomorrow. :)

♫ Tim McGraw Still

turn my world, upside down

This, is how dramatic my life can get. (Or maybe its just that minor part I play in acting dramatic?) :P

Smart me was pushing the end of a notebook binder back into perfection when the end of the wire decided to go into my nail. Blood and all. It's still super pain and it happened like, 8.30 this morning? Gah.

My life had a major turn during the weekend. Changed the way I think now. Changed the way I act. Changed the way I look forward to thinggsss. :D As I said, I'm being dramatic, but it is pretty dramatizing. I think I'll classify it as good news, but a better word for it is tough luck.

I'm going to be...
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drumroll pleasee. :)
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Taking SAT in November

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Finishing grade 11 in November too.

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Finishing grade 12 in June of 2011.
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aaannndddd,
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:) :)
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STARTING COLLEGE IN SEPTEMBER 2011

That's if everything goes according to my grand game plan. But I'll see that it does. Just you wait. I'll be really busy though. Take that back, I'm already really busy. But be happy for moi, cause I'm hopping with my share of joy. :D

I mean, I'm really happy for I've been looking forward to getting out of the dreaded high school and entering college life. But my sister was like, "Geez Haz, you gotta be content where you are." or something on that note. And it made me realize how discontent I've been. So, to be honest, today was about the best day I had in school so far for this year. Nothing grand happened, I was just content where I was. :) And I'm gonna enjoy every last second of my senior year, see if I don't.

I'm still really happy that well, my life is the busiest life probably existing on the planet currently. Which is honestly what it is - with a tint of exaggeration. But I'm still happy. It's like, how bees are happy even when they're busy. (Jinx, that rhymed.)

Anyhow, I need your prayers. :)